Drowned, drowned in dunia...

Salaam wrb,

MasyaAllah, it has been so long since the last time I posted anything here. Alhamdulillah, I am so thankful to be able to login into my account and write something still. Something for anyone to ponder upon and take lessons from, insyaAllah. Anyone who come by and stumble upon this page.

It is year 2017 now. Allahu... how fast times fly. This year I will hit the big 3, if Allah wills, insyaAllah. I hope the times I spent in this world will be something beneficial for me in the Hereafter, when I stand before my Lord, Allah.

For the past few months, I was so occupied with work. I was so occupied that I did not take my prayers seriously. I forgot how many rakaat I was in my prayers. I even forgot to pray at times. Allahu... how selfish I was really. When times were difficult, I prayed my heart out. When things went my way; when things were easy, I took my prayers lightly. I was getting further and further away from the One who loves me the most like no others. I did not recite the Quran as much as I used to. I did not do my sunat prayers as much as I would like to. My night prayers were non-existence. The dunia has the best of me. It consumed me so much that my relationship with my Lord was on the loose. Allahu... I have no one else to blame but myself. My Lord was never far and will never be far. I was the one who moved. Away. 

But Allahu... Allah is the Most Merciful, the unimaginably kind. Regardless of the countless number of times I failed myself, His Mercy remains. One fine day in the final week of February, there were just too much happening in the office. Too much happening at the same time for me to digest. I was trying to keep my cool the whole day in the office. At the end of the day, I drove home from work crying. I was extremely exhausted with what was happening; exhausted of trying to feel okay that I eventually broke down in tears all the way home. I cried harder when I reached home. I did not know what to do. I had shower and did my maghreb prayer. I cried in my sujod so hard. Asking for Allah to calm and guide my beating heart to His right path. I forgot how beautiful it was to ask from Allah for something so bad until tears rolled down these cheeks. I forgot how blessed I was to be born a Muslim and have Allah to turn to at all times. I forgot how meaningful and magical prayers were. I forgot... until that day I cried so hard in my maghreb prayer, once again. Finally. Alhamdulillah.

I was blessed enough to go through what I had gone through that day. Otherwise, I would still probably be lost in dunia; be occupied with work until I neglected my responsibilities as Allah's servant. The one thing that has taken me further away from Allah was actually the one thing that made me cried so hard in my prayers. I am thankful for the opportunity to still be able to raise my hands and make doa(s) until today. Alhamdullilah 'ala qulli hal.

To anyone who stumble upon this page, I would like to kindly advise you to not make your work or any other worldly matters your priority over the One who created you from nothing to something that you are today. Do not be like me. If you feel like you have gone far away from Allah, please do not give up. You just need to move closer. Slowly but surely, make the effort to be closer. He will never let your efforts go to waste. He is too Kind to do so. 

I hope and pray that Allah will guide us all the way; show us the way to His right path. Let the day we return to Him be the best day of our lives. May He allows us to be amongst His beloved ones. May we be amongst those who get to meet our beloved Prophet Muhammad (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). Aamiin.

Until next time,
xoxo

Amazed by You

In the name of Allah the Most Gracious, the Most Kind,

All praises be due to Allah, the Creator of all things,

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdullilah. No amount of Alhamdullilah will ever be enough for me to express my thankfulness to Allah, the Lord of the world. 

On June 1st to June 10th, I went on a trip to Australia with amazing people. The ten-days trip started off in Gold Coast Australia where by His will, I witnessed amazing nature. From a sea of blue called the Surfers Beach Paradise to a massive land full of green trees, mountains and a waterfall called the Spring Brook Falls. Just simply mesmerizing scenery. Breathtakingly beautiful. None can create such a beautiful thing but Allah alone. Allahuakbar. I am forever grateful for the opportunity. Thank You Allah.

From Gold Coast, we moved on to Sydney. Immediately I was reminded of Manchester when I first stepped foot in the city. Sydney gave me a rainy welcome. Koalas, kangaroos, crocodiles, lizards, snakes… I saw them all. What a perfect creation Allah created. Each and every one of them. Had a day trip to Jenolan caves via the Blue mountains. Went inside a cave named Lucas Cave. For the countless number of times, I was amazed with Allah's creations. The natural limestone inside the cave, the blue colored lake. Allahu. So beautiful. How blue the lake really was, just… beautiful. All my life, I thought I have seen and known very well how the color blue look like. Blue. Yes, blue. It was never such a big deal. But the blue lake I saw in Sydney was really something different. Another shade of blue which I have never seen before. Just… again beautiful. I am lost for words on how to describe it. Blue is never the same again now.

The last stop before heading home was Melbourne. While Sydney reminded me of Manchester, Melbourne reminded me of London. Had a long day trip on a small coach along the Great Ocean Road to the Twelve Great Apostles, Loch Arc Gorge in Port Campbell National Park, Victoria and the surfers coast. Yet again, I was blown away by the beauty of what I saw. Allahuakbar. 

Australia was amazing and at the same time, beautifully tiring. Alhamdulillah. Safely landed in bumi bertuah, Brunei Darussalam, on a fine Wednesday evening, on June 11th. Only reached KB on Thursday night. I have to say, regardless of how much I love traveling, nothing can beat that feeling of relieve when the airplane touch down in that place where your heart was, is, and will always be, home. Spent the precious three days after that in KB before heading for Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia for a course. 

Today is my final day in Kuala Lumpur. As I look outside the window from level 13 of the hotel that I am currently staying at, I cannot help but be grateful for everything. Alhamdulillah. Moga Allah redha.

xxoo

Two decades and six years.

I remember Egypt. I was there in 2010 with my sister. Historical place. Kind people. Interesting culture. If there is one word to describe my trip to Egypt, it would be a real BLESSING. I was there at the time of President Mubarak. And what is happening in Egypt right now is just plain heart-breaking :'( May Allah give President Morsi of Egypt the strength, courage and patience to go through these tough times. May Allah protect the righteous and innocence people in the country. May Allah give them victory. Allahumma Aamiin.

On a different note, I officially turned two decades and six years old on July 6th. My baby sister is twelve today. Alhamdulillah thumma Alhamdulillah. Thank You Allah for Your Entire Blessings. You have given me so much. You have never failed me. Regardless of the countless times I fall, Your Mercy still remains. You, the One who was there for me when everything and everyone else deserted me. You, the Only One who truly understands me. I am where I am today because of You. All that I was, all that I am, and all that I will ever be, is from You.

I hope and pray that my heart will always want to be close to You. I hope and pray that I will never give up on You. I hope and pray that I will do what I do for Your Sake and Only Your sake alone.

One fine evening in Egypt in June 2010. We were on top of a Jabal (mountain) overlooking a stunning view of the city. 

Until next time, insyaAllah. Assalamualaikum.

xxoo

Little things, big difference.

I once read a story about an old man and the seashells. It goes something like this: one day, a young man saw the old man walking by the shore, picking each seashell that he saw on the shore and putting it back into the sea. The young man asked the old man:

Young man: Dear old man, there thousands and more little seashells lying by the shore. It's impossible to save them all. Why are you doing what you're doing dear old man?

Old man: Young man, I may not be able to save them all. But I'm making a difference. By putting each seashell back into the sea, I know I am making a difference to the little creature's life. Each seashell counts.

Moral of the story: Small things count. Small things can make a big difference.

I want to be like the old man. I want to make a difference. I hope to make a difference. People may take for granted what I do, people may not appreciate what I do, but hey, it doesn't matter. I can try to live with that. Allah SWT is the Most Appreciative. He won't let one single effort that I make in order to please Him goes to waste. I know He won't :) And enough is Allah for me. May Allah make it easy for me to do my work, to earn a living, for His sake and only His sake alone. To gain His redha is my ultimate aim. He is my ultimate goal.

Ya Rabb, no matter how hard this life may get, please make me not give up on myself, please make me not give up on You. Aamiin.

Until next time, insyaAllah. Salaams xxx

Dear Stranger

Dear Stranger,

Salaams and hello. I met you yesterday. It was a rainy Saturday. Your hair was short and it suits you just well. Your white shirt was smartly tucked in your dark pants. You had pen and papers in your hands. Ready to note down whatever that was necessary. I have to admit, you are a good-looking stranger. I especially like to see the shape of your face. Unique in its own way, in my opinion.

I would like to think that you are good inside; as good as you look on the outside. And I would like to think that I am right on this. May Allah bless you at all times.

Goodbye stranger. It was nice meeting you :)

The one who hopes to not see you again,

Zati J.

"What is taken by Allah is NEVER lost" - Yasmin Mogahed

Today is the 3rd of Muharram 1433. Alhamdullilah, another year, another opportunity to be a better slave of Allah. Marhaban 1433! A lot has been going on. A real lot. Something very special and precious was stolen from me. I wasn't home when it was stolen. It happened during one of the weekdays. I remember exactly the date and day when it happened - Tuesday, November 8th. A day after Aidiladha celebration. How can I forget...

After work, I had pizzas with the cousins after which I went to Jame mosque for maghreb prayer. There was a few number of miss calls and a text message from mama. I was worried. In my mind, she must had something important to tell. Otherwise, she wouldn't call me again and again. Oh, I forgot. Earlier that day, I received a wall post from adik. She posted a sad face :( on my wall. I was worried. I had no idea what was that about. So when I received a few number of miss calls from mama, I thought something happen to adik. I gave mama a call. I remember she asked where I was. Then she told about my stolen stuff and about what happened to our home. I also remember she said something, "Redha kan saja". I was okay at first but slowly tears fell down my cheeks. I cried. I couldn't help it. I remember telling myself to calm down.

12th September 2007 - 8th November 2011. I had it for quite a long time. Had it with me for all the years while I was in university. Blessed, alhamdullilah. Allah knows what is best for me and enough is Allah for me. I know and I believe with all my heart that whatever had happened or will happen is all good for me. Allah is the One who created me from nothing to something. Allah is the One who loves me best like no others. Allah is the One who gives me everything that I need. He is the One who is the Most Kind, the Most Loving, the Most Merciful. He does not take anything away from me except that He meant something good for me. He does not take anything away from me to see me suffer or in pain. He only does what He does to help me, to give me the opportunity to be near to Him so that in my heart there will only be Him :)

It was saddening at first. When I tried to digest the information, and to learn of the fact that it was gone... just like that. That was saddening. But when I remember that everything will be gone eventually; all will diminish; not a single thing will last, my heart was at peace again even though there was still a few drop of tears flowing down my cheeks. Alhamdullilah thumma alhamdullilah. Thank You Allah for everything. Everything :)

"No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that" - Prophet Muhammad S.A.W (reported in Bukhari)

"Don't be sad if He separates you from something/someone you love. If only we knew about His plans, our hearts would melt with the warmth of His love" - Unknown

Until next time, insyaAllah. Good night. Salaams xx

How to love?

"You had a lot of moments that didn't last forever,

Now you in the corner tryna put it together,

How to love?"

That's lil Wayne asking how to love. Do you know how to love?

What I know is this: To love someone is to love yourself first. And to love yourself is to love your Creator :)

Personally, I'm still trying to love Him the way I should be loving Him. For how can I expect to feel the pleasure of being in love with someone if I don't have love in my heart for Him who created LOVE. I believe that when the right time comes, He who is the Most Loving, will show me the way to the one who will show me how to love :) If not in this world, maybe in the afterlife.

May He give me and you the strength to love Him more and more each day.

Big love. Salaams xx